How to Build a Book Safe
by c-dollar
We all love 2600 for its highfalutin articles on port knocking, Caller ID spoofing, Walmart self-checkout hacks, etc., but, sometimes we lose sight of the obvious stuff.
Sooner or later, the North Koreans or Iranians are going to bomb us. When that happens, how are you going to pay for doughnuts and beer from the 7-Eleven? It'd be nice to assume you have money in your wallet or shoe, but that may not be the case.
Where are you going to hide your emergency cash? In a bible? In a shoe? Well, that's up to you; mine will be safely tucked in a copy of Jane Eyre, unlikely to be discovered by the invading ground troops.
For hundreds of years, if not thousands, book safes have been used as a way to conceal things. Even though you may not be captive in a state pen awaiting a file stored in a book (or a cake), a book safe may be for you. It's unlikely that a cursory search of your dwelling will turn up something hidden in a book.
Making one is simple and requires less than an afternoon.
First things first - acquire the necessary materials:
Regarding the materials, books are easy to come by.
Please don't steal a book from the library; libraries are awesome. Go to a garage sale and grab any book of the appropriate size. The bigger the better, and the more obtuse the subject matter the better.
Don't pay more than a dollar for the book.
Bonus points if you choose a crappy book packed with right-wing politics to also prevent theft by BLM activists.
Open the book. Skip the first 15 pages or so.
Use your ruler to draw a rectangle you're going to cut out. Keep the rectangle at least two inches from each side.
My first attempt failed due to my attempt to hollow out too much of the book. Now I know you all have Dremels that you used to cut vanity windows on your Lian Li computer cases, but they're not a necessity.
A box cutter or X-Acto knife will work fine.
In any case, choose your weapon and begin cutting on the rectangle you drew. If you use a Dremel, be very careful not to set the book on fire - aim to cut around 20 pages at a time. Hold the Dremel in paper for more than 30 seconds and you've got a fire on your hands.
Once you've completed the first rectangle, pull out the section of pages you've cut.
If you're having trouble pulling out the pages, use the box cutter or X-Acto knife to trim the parts you missed. Pay special attention to the outer edge of the book; you really don't want to tear those pages or the end product won't look convincing.
Repeat until you've hollowed out enough of the book to hold your secret. Patience is a virtue; if you move too fast, you're going to mess up the pages and your safe won't be so stealth.
Once you've hollowed out enough of the book, empty any paper shards into the trash.
Close the book and squirt your white glue into a container. Dip your brush in the glue and paint the edges of the exposed pages. Lay the book flat, put something heavy on it, and let it sit for a few hours.
Once it's dry, open the cover and trim the edges of the opening using the box cutter or X-Acto knife.
Once you have smooth edges, use your paint brush and spread more white glue on the inside of the secret compartment.
An hour later, you have your book safe!
Now, stuff it with cash, important papers, Dell coupons, or whatever.
Rest assured, it will take invading armies quite awhile to find your stash!
