How to Get Responses Through Deception

by JFast

The other day I read an article that explained how to write emails that get responses.

It said the usual things like make the subject line relevant, make your message clear, ask for an action statement, etc.  Boring!

I have found precisely the opposite: If you want to get responses to your emails, deceive people by making your email perplexing.  The best way to do this is to write an imaginative email about something that could have happened but did not happen.  You talk about phantom conversations, events, and meetings.  Add plenty of details.  The person reads your email and has no idea what you're talking about.  What do they do?  They respond.  They simply can't ignore your email.  You're capturing their interest and tricking them into responding to your gibberish.

For example, a friend had been ignoring my emails for weeks.  So one day I wrote him a quick note about a phantom conversation we had on messenger.  I added lots of details and ended my message with: "I enjoyed our chat the other day.  I told you that idea totally sucked.  Next time I will try not to dominate the conversation as much."  On that same day I received his response:

"What the heck are you talking about?  We didn't have a chat on messenger last night.  What are you smoking brother?  I haven't been going on my computer lately because of all the time I'm spending on it at work."

A few weeks back I met a friend by chance in the city library.  I sent him an email describing another meeting we had at a different library branch.  "I can't believe I saw you at the Marpole branch!" I wrote.  His response:

"hahaha - well DON'T believe it!  I didn't go near Marpole today!  I worked at Fraserview actually.  Wonder who you did see?  If I have a twin I hope he doesn't make a habit of spending time in places I frequent...."

Another friend told me about an online game called Wordox and suggested we play each other one day.  About a week later I sent her a message describing a game we supposedly played.  "I enjoyed our wordox game the other day.  I still think I could have beaten you...."  She sent me a polite response:

"Glad you enjoyed the game, but unfortunately I don't recall playing against you.  I usually play under Jade365 at home and at work under Cinynot.  We should make arrangements to play sometime though."

For a lark I sent my sister a convoluted email about some cards she (supposedly) designed for me.  Her response was quick and to the point:

"i have no idea what you are talking about!!!"

The next day I sent her a longer message:

"You and Leigh sent me a package from Kingston.  In it Leigh has written a letter and you sent a post card from New York.  Also, you put some cards that you designed inside the package.  They were the ones that I sent you in the summer.  DON'T YOU REMEMBER?  You must have just sent this a few days ago, cause I just got it on Friday."

She was more confused than ever.

"I sent you a card from New York that is all I remember!  Are you being facetious?  I never designed anything and put it in a package.  This is driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The trick is to make your email plausible.  You need to mix things that did happen with things that did not happen.  In the above example, my sister is a designer, she did go to New York with Leigh, and she did send a card.  The part about cards from the summer is pure fiction, designed to confuse her.

I felt guilty about an email I sent to a coworker of mine.  I had been meaning to lend her a book about investing but I kept forgetting.  So I sent her an email implying that I gave her the book.  She wrote back:

"Hi, I don't have the book!!!  Where is it?  Did you leave it at work for me?  Thank you very much if you did, however, I didn't get it.  I will be there Thursday night, at the game so I will pick it up then.  Thank you again..."

Oops.  Poor girl is expecting to receive the book on Thursday!  I sent her another email describing when and where I gave it to her - all lies of course.  She wrote back:

"You must have me confused with the other Karen that works in the same office and likes to run marathons and trade stock in her spare time.  Because this Karen did not get any photocopy of a book.  I haven't been at briefing since I don't know when, as I always work during the week starting @ 5pm, just after the briefing.  Are you giving me the goat??????"

I've found that this technique works wonders, especially the first few times you use it.  It goes without saying that if you do this too much, people will become wise to your tricks and will once again ignore you.

The lesson here is that people don't have a problem ignoring a real email.  But as soon as you write an email that makes you look like you've made a mistake or mixed something up, they will respond immediately to correct you.

Use this piece of human psychology to your advantage!