_____ _ THE _ _ |_ _|__| | ___ ___ ___ _ __ ___ _ __ ___ _ _ _ __ (_)___| |_ | |/ _ \ |/ _ \/ __/ _ \| '_ ` _ \ _____| '_ ` _ \| | | | '_ \| / __| __| | | __/ | __/ (_| (_) | | | | | |_____| | | | | | |_| | | | | \__ \ |_ |_|\___|_|\___|\___\___/|_| |_| |_| |_| |_| |_|\__,_|_| |_|_|___/\__| MONTHLY Got any updog? - Hey fucker, you already used that joke! - Shit. ============================================================================= Issue 7 telecom-munist.phonelosers.org Holiday 2003 ============================================================================= ____________________________ | | | INTRO | |____________________________| After many short delays turning into one big long one, we now present to you the next Telecom-munist. Thanks to everyone who submitted articles, and thanks Yauch and Sarah for sending us some pictures for the site. I don't think this issue is not half bad. Sure theres a lot of bullshit but thats all your going to get from us. -IDLR Hi. We really didn't to release this issue, but people were flooding the guestbook and we figured it's been a while and we better release one lest we face the wrath of a horde of angry yaks. Fucking yaks. Anyway, keep sending shit in and we'll keep making fun of you. Bye. -DBK ____________________________ | | | Contents | |____________________________| 1.Introduction of Love 2.Celebrity Number of Love 3.AOL Passwords of Love by Hektik 4.Classic Prank Call Techniques of Love Revisited By Kyle 5.How to Own Little Kids of Love By Judas 6.Hacking combination locks of DOOM! By Doctor Proctor 7.The Telecom-munist Wishlist of Love! By IDLR 8.Why the Telecom-munists Suck! By Murd0c 9.Dry Ice Bombs by IDLR 10.Hacking Cellphone VMB's by liife 11.Q-BASIC Tech by Judas Iscariot ____________________________ | | | Celebrity Number | |____________________________| Super Cool Celebrity Number Extravaganza!!!11 Thanks to Judas Iscariot for getting most of these numbers. YOU TOTALLY RULE DUDE!!#111 Heeeeeere we go: Owner of the WWE, peddler of toned down pornography, old guy who thinks he's a wrestler, the one, the only - Vince McMahon! 203-352-8602 (office) Ugly but turned hot through surgery, daughter of the aforementioned dumbass - Stephanie McMahon!!! 203-629-5069 (home) / 203-352-8611 (office) He used to play bass in Megadeth! Wow! - Dave Ellefson 480-314-0951 (home) He used to sing in Anthrax and is currently on tour, and my friends band is the opening act! Wow! - Joey Belladonna 315-672-5502 (home) He used to play guitar in the cesspool devoid of talent that is Limp Bizkit! At least he was smart enough to quit! - Wes Borland (310)-962-9863 (home) She' s a dumb whore who had sex with some dudes and filmed it! I wonder if the tapes were recorded in the hotels she's destined to own someday! The cock sucking wonder - Paris Hilton! 310 990 7444 (cell) That should last you a solid hour or so. Have fun. ____________________________ | | | AOL Passwords | | By Hektik | |____________________________| OK here goes my half assed article about aol passwords. The first thing you should know is that if someone has a password-related problem with their aol screenname and calls up aol, AOL will change their password to the account holders initials and the last 4 digits of the account holder's number. Example: if his name is Johnny Richter and Phone number is 555-1100, then his re-issued password will be 'jr1100'...assuming that he doesnt change it, but most people dont because its hard to guess (until now) and easy to remember. The next thing about AOL accounts you should know is that you can get into anyones AOL account simply by stealing their AOL bill or by using a bit of the old social engineering. When it asks you to enter a password, it gives you 2 chances to get it right before it knocks you offline and you have to start again...simply put the same password both times (enter the password 'fatfuckingbarrelass' and when it says "your wrong, try again..." enter 'fatfuckingbarrelass' a second time). It will ask if you want to reset the password...all you need is the account information (name, phone number, addresss...) and BAM you have access to someone elses AOL. I did this once to a really old guy who went to bed at like 5pm so everyday after 5 i'd have free internet. Well thats it...this is the word of the lord HeKtiK ____________________________ | | | Classic Prank Call | | Techniques Revisited | | by LordSnax (DBK) | |____________________________| Hi. Upon hearing some recent "prank calls" that I had the misfortune of downloading from various websites, I decided that since I am a bastion of wit and hilarity, I would write about a few tried and true techniques for making hilarious pranks. After all, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Well, unless it looks like it's about to break and you're pretty sure you can fix it really easily. In that case, I suppose it would be all right to fix it. Anyway, today we'll be using our good friend the phone book, so make sure you have one handy. Flip open to a random page and look down the list until you come across what looks like a happy, English speaking couple. Example: Gay, TronIs 1234 faggot blvd 562 775 2948 Gibbons, Peter Mary 666 happy street 555 555 5555 <-------- like this Gxjklasdfjkhgga JKAGlg 656 656 6565 Now, what we do is give the ol' Gibbons residence a call. If a guy answers, ask for the chick, and vise versa. Example 1: (ring...ring...ri) Male Voice: Hello? You: Hey, is Mary in? Example 2: (ring) Sexy Female Voice: Hellllllllloooooooo? You in gay or female voice: Hey, is Peter in? End example. Anyway, we are hoping that the person you wish to speak with will not be home. If the person on the other line tells you they are home, hang up and try someone else. If they say "Sorry, he's not here right now" or something akin to that, the fun begins. Observe: Guy: No, she's not in right now. You: Damn, I really wanted to talk to her. Guy, beginning to get curious: Why's that? You: Well, after last week, I can't get her out of my head. Guy: double u tee eff are you talking about, punk? You: Wait a second, who am I speaking to!? Guy: This is her husband! You: What the fu --- she's married?! Oh, shit. Guy: !?!?? WHAT THE FUCK LETS MEET AT TACO BELL AND FIGHT Hopefully, you get the drift. You make it seem like you have banged and/or are banging his or her significant other. There are many routes you can take, and the above example was just BS thrown together in two seconds. Some more ideas are: 1. Act really apologetic and upset about the whole thing. Hopefully, the person on the other end will start to cry. 2. Act really pissed off and insist that she loves you best, or else she wouldn't have cheated on you. The guy will want to fight or meet you in person. You can just set up some random semi-far destination and not show up, or pick somewhere relatively close and show up and not say anything to him just so you can laugh. 3. Just act confused and hang up, then walk to there house later on and see if you can hear crying and yelling. Use your imagination, the possibilities are endless. You should probably let them know it was a joke eventually, unless it's people you really hate. Wouldn't want someone getting beat for no reason now, would we? Hopefully this article is coherent. I wrote it in three minutes. Bye. ____________________________ | | | How to Own Little Kids | | By Judas Iscariot | |____________________________| How to own little kids By: Judas Iscariot You've seen them riding on their bikes (whips in little kid lingo) around your neighborhood, collecting money for the elderly (their candy fund), and causing a ruckus in department stores. Well, it's time to put an end to all that! I will show you a few time proven techniques to owning little kids. Technique 1: The Age Old Art of Candy -------------------------------------------------- You've seen little Billy riding his bike around causing mayhem and destruction in your fine places of residence (trailer parks). Billy must be stopped! You’ll need some supplies to pull this one off. Supplies needed: An inconspicuous rusted out car – Anything before 1985 works well, spacious trunks are desired Candy – I’ve found that the more sugar content there is, the more a kid will lust after it. A hitting device – Bats, paddles, billy clubs and bricks will work Trash Bags – The bigger the better! Rope – Double wrapped industrial strength 1 Red Apple – Doesn’t matter if it’s good or not. Now that we have our killing tools…er, supplies, we can make sure Billy will never cause problems again. When Billy is out riding his bike thinking about the next arcade store he and his pals will rip off, start your car and creep up behind him slowly. Chances are that he’s gonna look back at you a few times. A friendly wave and smile can ease any doubts in his head. Pull up next to Billy and ask him if he knows where “1204 Pedo St.” is. When he replies no, ask him if he would like some fine (insert candy name). If he says yes, skip this part and proceed to the end. This is where Billy might get suspicious and say no. Immediately open your passenger door with force knocking Billy off his bike. Hit him in the head with your hitting device. It might take a few good whacks, but when he stops crying (which is a ruse by the way, he’s waiting for the chance to stab you with his knife transformer), you’ll know he’s good to go. Tie up Billy with your rope using a double square knot, gag him with the apple, and then place everything into the trash bag. Throw said trash bag into the trunk and drive away, knowing that Billy will never terrorize your neighborhood again. If you hear muffles from the trunk, repeat until desired results are achieved. Technique 2: Hiiiiiiiya! ----------------------------- Sometimes you may not have the desired supplies for Technique 1 on hand. Sometimes a kid may be giving you shit on a boardwalk or something. This is where Technique 2 comes into play. Supplies needed: Your fists Brass Knuckles (optional) A deep seated hatred that has manifested itself in you since your younger years If the kid keeps giving you shit, remember back to the time when the school bully took your lunch money, pantsed you, and gave you that swirly. This kid probably does the same thing. Extend your arm back, concentrate on his puny bird chest, release your arm, aim for the center, and connect. Depending on how old this kid is, he will cry, fall down, or die (the best result). You know you have hit gold when you hear a collarbone or rib cage cracking. Proceed amongst your day and walk away as like nothing happened. The best way Technique 2 works is if you walk up to the kid without saying anything, and execute. Technique 3: Technique 1 Reloaded or How I learned to love the infamous Toxic Avenger scene --------------------------------------------------------------- Technique 3 uses most of the same elements as Technique 1. Find Billy riding around on his bike. This time when Billy turns around to see you creeping behind him, flip him off, put the car in neutral and rev the engine. Billy will take off on his bike. When he’s about 50 to 100 yards away, put the car in first and gun it. If possible, try to get your speed up to 88 MPH (flux capacitor!). You’ll want to align Billy’s bike with the right side of the front of your car so a clipping effect takes place. If all goes well, Billy will flip off the bike, onto your hood, fly up the windshield and hit the ground. This should do the trick, but if it doesn’t, put the car in reverse and aim for the head. Ending Words ------------------ Congratulations! You have now owned a little kid and put a stop their evil antics and terrorizing ways. Time to go home, make a hot cup of milk, and relax to some soothing snub films. If you thought any of this was real or took this seriously then wait next month for my file, “How to kill yourself because you’re an asshole who can’t take a joke and interprets articles as the bible.” Have fun! ____________________________ | | | Hacking combonation locks | | By Doctor Proctor | |____________________________| I wrote this article mostly because It is simple and it works. And because everyone I told about this method thought they were retdarded for not thinking of it first. As I havn't seen any other texts on it, I thought "Hey! This article sucks ass! I'll send it to the telecom-munists!". So Anyway... To get the four number combonation of the four wheel lock, you need a note book(optional) and possibly little bit of time depending on what the lock is keeping secure. Easy huh? If you havn't figured this out yet, read on. How do you do it? One word: Lazyness. No not yours, you lazy effer!I'm talking about exploiting the lazyness of the person that locked up the bike, storage shed, cell tower or whatever. Most people when they lock a four wheel lock, they just turn only *one* wheel *one or two* turns so the lock will engage and then they walk away. That is how you figure the combo. Just write down what the lock was at origanally. First look for any simple combos ie. 1919, 7575, 8888, 1000 and so on. If none, then turn one of the wheels on the *ends* of the lock untill it opens. If it dosen't open, return it to the original position and try the other wheel. Keep working until you find the right numbers or get bored. If you do this at a cell tower (not that I know anything about this...) sometimes you can jump the fence and see what the other locks ORIGINAL numbers are and use the process of elimination to figure them out.(Of course this only works if all the locks are keyed to the same number. Don't worry, In every cell i've ever "HAX-ED!!", they have had the same numbers.) How do I use this info? To quote Count Zero: meathead! Steal peoples bikes then pawn them. Never buy locks again! Just take a lock whenever you need one from a cell. Make shure you take one at a time, from a place where a missing lock will not be noticed for awhille( you cheap bastard). We don't want Verizon to tell the cell maintenence men to be extra carefull when locking up! A really cool thing to do, if you have the mcnuggets, would to get in to a cell, and since you now know the combo to the locks, un-lock the main circuit breaker switch and SHUT DOWN THE CELL! If you can change the combo, change it to something cool like 2600 (ooohh...phear me.) and lock the breaker in the off position.(but don't really do this, it would be a wrong horrible thing to do. Very, Very bad.) Final notes: To change the combo on those brass padlock style master locks, you have to know the original combo. Un-lock it and push something like a *thin* hex key or nail into the "keyhole" (you will know it when you see it) and keep preasure on it whilst you turn the wheels to your desired new combo. Remove the hex key or whatever and lock it. Also, the master brand locks require you to push the hasp down and *then* the lock will disengage.(both of these may work on other brands too, but I don't have the experience to tell you). Anyway, hope you enjoyed this. ____________________________ | | | Why the Telecom-munists | | suck! | | By Murdoc | |____________________________| Why would you even read this part? It so obvious that the TC rocks. You fucks. ____________________________ | | | Telecom-munist Wishlist! | | By Idontlikerabbits | |____________________________| I feel we are obligated to do a list in almost every issue. I think Kyle got to do the last one so I guess it's my turn. Now I present to you the Telecom-munist Wishlist for the holidays. 1. Bullet to the back of Meteora's head, preferably high caliber. 2. More Episodes of Elephant & Bird 3. One Gross of Frozen Cheese Sammiches, cheddar 4. Several gallons of high quality Chocolate Milk. 5. Rogaine to donate to RBCP 6. For someone to get the cops to stop tailing the Telecom-munmoblie 7. Harry the Lineman action figure with real punchdown action. 8. For the Matrix series not to suck so hard. 9. 2 Thermo-nuclear devices, post 1958 10. Porn ____________________________ | | | Dry Ice Bombs | | By Idontlikerabbits | |____________________________| Recently I had 200 frozen mice shipped to my house. Now why would I need 200 frozen mice? Thats no business of yours, shut up. Those mice came with about 5 pounds of dry ice. So me and my brother thought it would be fun to mess around with. To make a dry ice bomb you need a two liter bottle, dry ice and water. Crush up and put a handful of dry ice in the bottle, if you're stupid enough to put it in with your hands be my guest, thats what I did. Then put about 10 parts water to the dry ice, just enough to leave the bottle about 1/3 empty. The carbon dioxide gas should be flowing out at a farely high rate, not just out the top and down the sides. Now cap the bottle tightly and get a good distance away. _ _|_|_ / \ / \ | | | | |~~~~~~~| <---- Water | | | | | | | | | | |*******| <---- Ice \_______/ The noise this makes is loud, loud enough to make neighbors three houses down come out and investigate. We found that if you use a large plastic snapple bottle, the ones that are like $1.69, you turn your bomb into a rocket. The weakest point on the bottle is at the very bottom so thats the part that breaks first, sending the gas out the bottom and the bottle a good 100ft in the air. Now for some precautions. First and foremost don't use glass, if you do the shrapnel would be enough to kill you. Second don't hold the ice in your hand long enough for it to burn you, that shit stings like a bitch. Oh yeah, depending on where you live, making and using dry ice bombs is likely a felony. So as always, we're not responsible for anything you do regarding this information. ____________________________ | | |Breaking into cellphone VMBs| | By liife | |____________________________| DISCLAIMER: I have never done this, you shouldn't either. This is hypothetical. If you so choice to do this, I can not be held responsible. If the fuzz come 'a knockin' tell them Tr0n told you how. Everyone has a cellphone now. EVERYONE.(I don't. - IDLR) My grandma has a cellphone. But what does this mean to Joe H. Phreak? It means lots of voicemail boxes! That's right, any non-shitty service will include a voicemail box, and all those preps at school have mommy and daddy buy them a good service plan, so here is how to get into their voicemail boxes. First off get yourself a cellphone, and figure out how to log into your own box. Most of the time this is done by calling yourself or *86 and hitting #, but there are other goodies on this system. Call your cellphone, BUT DON'T PICK UP. Hit # and it will ask for your password. Now press *. It will ask for your mailbox number, you have now backed up into the voicemail system. Enter any preps cellphone number that is on the same service provider as you. A nice rule of thumb is if the first 6 digits are the same, you are on the same service provider, but there are also other prefixes on the same provider. If they have a different service provider, find someone who is on the same provider as them, and ask them not to pick up when you call. Call, and get to their box, #,*, enter preps number. After entering in their number it now asks for their password, or if you are really really lucky it won't have been set up yet by the dolt and you can now set it up, including picking the password. Most of the time this is not the case though, so you must guess the password. In my experience the passwords must always be at least 6 characters long. My first guess is always their 7-digit cellphone number, then 123456. or 654321. Be creative and guess as many easily guessable passwords as you can, including their first name, birthday, or other oddities. Do some research if you have to and try whatever you find. If you still can't get in, call their cellphone directly and try to SE it out of them, this has a very low chance of working but is very hilarious. Once in the box you have two choices: Take it as yours, or be anonymous and ease drop for months. Option one involves immediately changing the password and outgoing message, listening to all unheard messages, etc. This is very stupid and will cause the person to call up their service provider and get their password back, and take it back as their own. Option two is a much smarter choice; do nothing except listen to saved messages, and you can do this for months. Another option you get when getting is to send out messages. I have not played with this much, but is probably a safe option even if you are trying to be inconspicious. This could also be a cool way to and trick all your friends to think hottie preps called them. In closing, don't be a jackass and have lots of fun! ____________________________ | | | Q-BASIC Tech | | By Judas Iscariot | |____________________________| That's right! You wanted a TECH article for the next issue (release it already damnit!), so here it is. Taking QBASIC to another level. This code I made simulates the computer typing messages to you through 2 easy and simple subs. If you look at the code you could actually port this over to VB or VBA quite easily (except for the screen spacings). Enjoy. ----PASTE THIS INTO A NEW BAS FILE--- DEFINT A-Z DECLARE SUB centers (text$) DECLARE SUB TypeText (text$) CLS TypeText "Get ready for teh best stuffs!" TypeText "OMG HAX! DBK, IDLR, AND TC IS l337!" TypeText "That means they are better then you." TypeText "Phjear my QBASIC kodez!!!!!!!!!!!!!" TypeText "<3 Judas Iscariot" DEFSNG A-Z SUB centers (text$) LOCATE 25 / 2, 41 - LEN(text$) / 2 PRINT text$ END SUB SUB TypeText (text$) a = 1 x = 1 DO line$ = MID$(text$, 1, a) line$ = line$ + "_" CLS centers line$ a = a + 1 y% = (INT(RND * 10) + 7) * 1000 y% = y% + 10000 DO x = x + 1 LOOP UNTIL x = y% x = 1 LOOP UNTIL LEN(line$) = LEN(text$) + 1 SLEEP 1 END SUB ---STOP PASTING NOW!--- Hit F5 and enjoy! -Judas Iscariot ____________________________ | | | fin. | |____________________________| Hahahaha, Saddam = pwned Listen to Slayer!!#!#3333 Well that's all for our Holiday issue. At least there weren't any chat logs. We're damn bored so drop by the site, sign the guestbook, and send us some email. Secret message from DBK - The soup is on!!!