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               Outbreak Magazine Issue #8 - Article 7 of 14
           '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Backdoored By A Loved One.
By joja.

The word "suppository" strikes fear in the hearts of children across the world.
For those of you who have never had the pleasure of getting a suppository brually
shoved into your asshole, consider yourself extremely lucky. The suppository is one
of those most evil medicines ever invented, and one of the most uncomfortable.
I personally have experienced the wrath of the butt bullet, and trust me, it's
anything but fun. Not only does the suppository cause physical pain, but I know
for me, it caused mental as well.

Now, there are two ways a suppository can find its way into your ass, and I have named
these methods. The first method is called "The Sneaky Finger." The Sneaky Finger is
usually what parents do to get a suppository into your body while you're not expecting it.
This is the most evil method, and should be illegalized. I've fallen for The Sneaky
Finger many a time in my childhood, and I am scarred for life. Here is an example of
The Sneaky Finger in action.

Usually I'd be laying in bed in my pajamas, and my mom would come into the room.
She'd sit next to me and feel my head for a fever and give the "Sad Parent Face."
She would tell me to roll over on my stomach to see if there was a rash or something
on my back, and I would. Now this is where it goes from P3-13 to NC-17 in seconds.
She would pull my pants down and shove the suppository in my ass with lightning
speed. She had it down to a fucking science. Normally if I felt my pants going down,
I knew what was about to happen, and I would squirm. But she was a fucking professional,
and she always got me.

The second method is called "The Whole Shot." Now, The Whole Shot is somewhat better
than The Sneaky Finger because you're doing it yourself. So at least you're expecting
this one. Although, I would never want to put myself through this. I am fortunate
enough to be able to say that I have never experienced The Whole Shot, but I'm deeply
sorry for those who have. Even if I absolutely had to perform The Whole Shot, I
probably could never go through with it. There is no way you could get me to willingly
shove something into my ass. Overall, both The Sneaky Finger and The Whole Shot have
their up's and downs... Mostly downs.

There are two types of suppositories, the rectal suppository and the vaginal suppository.
Both can be used for different reasons. I believe the most common use for rectal
suppositories is for constipation. Other rectal supposotories can be used to releave
hemorrhoidal symptoms, and I even found one that is supposed to give you energy.
Sorry, but if I need energy, I'm going to eat a fucking powerbar or drink some
coffee. Why would someone use a suppository for energy? Furthermore, why would someone
use a rectal suppository to soothe the internal swelling, burning, itching and just
general discomfort of hemorrhoids?

Look, if you're constipated use a laxitive in a pill or liquid form that can be taken
ORALLY. If you're suffering from hemorrhoids use the cream for fucks sake! And last but
not least, if you need energy snort a line of cocaine or drink coffee, anything but
the buttbomb.

Now, vaginal suppositories can used for infertility, fungal and yeast infections, and
even a contraceptive. Personally I don't want to get into the vaginal suppositories,
so I'm going to make it short. If you're having infertility problems stop trying to
have kids, it's that simple. If you have a fungal or yeast infection use the cream!
Cream is always a better alternative, although it may not be as effective, it's
nice not to have to use the beaver cleaver, you know? As far as contraceptives go,
FOAM, DIAPHRAGM, THE PILL, I could go on and on. You choose.

I have compiled a list of different names for both vaginal and rectal suppositories.

Rectal:
Two-inch torpedo.
Butt bomb.
Butt bullet.
Rectum rocket.
Mangina mine.
Ass missle.

Vaginal:
Beaver cleaver.
Muff missle.
Twat torpedo.
Snatch spike.
Cooter Claymore.


I lost pretty much all motivation to type anymore about suppositories, so I think
I'm going to end it here. Although, If you are interested in using a suppository,
for some sick and twisted reason, at least do it the right way. Or you could always give my mom a call.
Here are the 12 easy steps to "install" your rectal suppository taken from The Michigan
Pharmacists Association's Patient Education Program. I got a kick out of it.

1.   Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water.
2.   If the suppository is soft, hold it under cool water to harden it before removing the wrapper.
3.   Remove the wrapper, if present.
4.   If you were told to use half of the suppository, cut it lengthwise with a clean, single-edge
     razor blade.
5.   Put on a finger cot or disposable glove, if desired (available at a pharmacy).
6.   Lubricate the suppository tip with a water-soluble lubricant such as K-Y Jelly, not petroleum jelly
     (Vaseline). If you do not have this lubricant, moisten your rectal area with cool tap water.
7.   Lie on your side with your lower leg straightened out and your upper leg bent forward
     toward your stomach.
8.   Lift upper buttock to expose the rectal area. 
9.   Insert the suppository; pointed end first, with your finger until it passes the muscular
     sphincter of the rectum, about 1/2 to 1 inch in infants and 1 inch in adults.
     If not inserted past this sphincter, the suppository may pop out. (See below)
10.  Hold buttocks together for a few seconds.
11.  Remain lying down for about 15 minutes to avoid having the suppository come out.
12.  Discard used materials and wash your hands thoroughly.

Have fun.