The story of Mark

by Robert

One day there was a young little gentleman named Mark. Mark was a computer enthusiast, but didn't really know what he liked the most. Mark resolved that he would go on a holy quest to explore the systems he had come across.

He loved Linux to the extent that he asked it to marry him. When he “loved” Linux he actually was attracted to the Penguin mascot. Mark and the Penguin grew closer and closer, and soon Mark found that because the penguin travels under water, it has a very tight butt. This was to Mark's benefit though, and it gave him a great deal of enjoyment.

After a while Mark grew tired of this charade, and moved on to greater things, mainly that he wanted to fall out of Windows (tm) Mark traveled to Bill Gates residence, evaded security guards and snuck in to his mansion via the servants entrance. Upon entering the mansion, he first was asked to login. Being the sneaky devil he is, he said he was a guest of Bill Gates, and was granted access to the house on the condition that he not change anything. Mark wandered around the mansion looking for a Window to jump out of. Finally at the top the grand staircase in the mansion was a stained glass window, divided into four parts, each a different color. This was exactly what Mark was looking for. He ran up the stairs at full speed ready to through himself out the Window, when suddenly he was stopped by an Error, which said that he had crashed the Kernel. What the fuck thought Mark, i didn't have corn for dinner! He retried several times then gave up and aborted. Screw this he thought and dodged the Error, several more alerts and errors appeared before him, and each time he maneuvered out of their path. Reaching the top of the stairs, Mark hurled himself out of the Window into free space. The glass shattered around him and he fell to the ground, safely landing on a Software. Success! Mark had crashed Windows!

Now onto the final quest, to take a second bite out of the Macintosh Apple. Mark hopped onto a train headed to Steve Job's mansion. When he arrived at Steve Jobs mansion, he walked right in, without logging on. Upon entering he noticed that Steve Jobs didn't really own anything, his house was pretty much empty, compared to Bill Gates. Gates had all sorts of things happening in his mansion, but Jobs only had a typewriter and a chess set, maybe a few other things. After searching the mansion, Mark left and wandered outside to Job's orchard where all the little Apples were grown. The first Apples he approached were ugly, blocky, and looked useless. As he made his way down the row of trees, the ones at the end were translucent, and funny shaped. At the end of the row of trees was Steve Jobs, sitting under a large tree, cross legged. How peaceful he looked thought Mark, as he ran up and kicked him in the face. Jumping on his unconscious body, Mark reached up and grabbed the multicolored Apple, and took a huge bite out of it. It tasted like plastic, but it was worth it!

Now Mark had conquered all that had opposed him, and retired to his favorite platform to sleep. Ahhhh Unix, he thought, what more could one ask for?